Life is going so perfect right now. Honestly could not ask for any better. Classes are going great, internship is freaking amazing, work hasnt been to bad lately, and I just celebrated 3 years with the most wonderful man on this world!
My internship is starting to go right where I want it to go. I am getting assigned my own kids to work with. So far i love ever thought of being a counselor in this kind of setting. I love it, i love knowing i can make such a huge difference in these kids lives. Nothing could be more exciting than working with them each and every day and seeing the changes they make.
Also i have started to talk with Andrew again. It was kinda crazy hearing from him but i love it. We were best friends in high school. Besides Corey, Marshall, and Josh he was the only one who knew what was really going on in my life for the longest time. He understood and helped me. Plus we were one of the cutest couples since no one saw any problems in our relationship except us. It was good to get that guy back for a short time. Its been forever since i have talked to him and it always feels good to talk to old friends.
Speaking of, I get to go home soon for Riley’s First Birthday! EHHH i am super excited! She is getting so big i cannot believe it! Also Joshua is going to be meeting Joshy for the first time! Super excited there. I havent seen that kid in a few and miss him. I love that Joshua can get along with all of them so well. makes me see that he really is perfect for me since Corey has always been my “type” minus out some things and you have Josh! haha <3
One thing to remember is to always keep your head high. You grow from who you are.
I really have to remember this while working with the kids i work with. I grew up in a house of hell, but my hell was never as bad as most of theirs. I have to realize to step back and not see this kids as victims, but as survivors. I have to realize i am a survivor. I survived and so can they. They have a chance to get away from it all. They have a chance i never got. They had someone care enough for them to take time and take them out of it all. I am so happy to be apart of that.
Hardest part of dealing with it all, how to get a 12 year old girl to realize she has so much to live for and that killing herself isnt the answer. She has more cuts on her wrist then i have ever seen on someone so young. No one who has tried to kill themselves so many times. I just I cannot believe it. It hurts me to see her like that. I know how it feels to feel like your world is ending but how do i explain to a 12 year old who has been through fucking hell and cannot trust a single person in her life that life is worth living??
UGH! HELP?
Interesting night to end my interesting day …..
Today was monday so its suppose to be a weird day. I havent had a monday like this in awhile. First day back to the grind which i expected to be horrible. Lucky for me it wasnt too bad. Worked at nine, break then class at 1, break then class at 4. Pretty good. Expect that my internship didnt tell me i had to talk to HR before starting until today when i am suppose to start tomorrow .. then i find out i have NO money which sucks because i kinda need food. Then … I luckily get to pick up a few babysitting jobs! =] yay me! Then out of know where one of my best friends from high school texts me! Honestly he hasnt talked to me in years. He is Rileys God Father and i have seen him once since she was born and we had a blast talking but its just so weird that he is texting me again. I miss the kid more than ever. He was always there for me and its great to share my life with him again.
So weird but good monday.
its 1:00 am on Jan 3, 2012. I brought in the new year amazing and once again i pray, i pray that for one no one gets ripped out of my fucking life on Jan 3. And mostly that no one gets ripped out this year alone. I am starting a new life and i want to only bring people in not have people taken away. Not this year. Let me have one fucking year to know God does love me, and that God does want me to have a sane life. I need everyone i have in my life for this year. I need everyone to be there for me this year. So many new things, no time for bad things to happen to me this year. Please i pray just one fucking year.
I swore to myself last year i would sleep this fucking day away after finding out about Aj but here it is 1 am and i cant sleep at all. It really sucks, i really hate that i cant just pretend this day never existed.
Rest In Peace, Joseph Michael, Casey James, and Aloysius James. <3
Not sure if i can do this
Well the third is quickly approaching and honestly after the vaca i had i do not know if i can do it. I hated spending time with my mom. She is driving me up a damn wall and our relationship is crashing down and i dont even think she notices or cares. If it werent for Josh i cant say i wouldnt have been able to keep my promise to myself. However i am here for another week after the first. I dont know what to do. I do not want to be alone on the third but idk who to spend it with. No one gets how hard this day is. It will be 2 years since we lost Casey and Joe then it will be one year since we lost AJ. Part of me wants to sleep the damn day away because i cannot loose anyone else on that day. i will be on pins and needles all day. I just wish i knew what to do. I figure i will do lots of wedding stuff that day just so i dont have to think about anything else. The wedding is happy and maybe just maybe i will be able to get past it. The ice isnt freezing so they are taking a boat out to the island. I doubt i go because i cant handle it. It would be great to be with all of them but i will be thinking of Aj too and Nicole. Nicole has come so far this year and i am so proud of her. She will def be on my mind all day because it was probably the third hardest day of her life. Only reason its not one or two is because both of her parents died when she was younger so those trump it.
Rest In Peace Casey, Joe and AJ! We all love and miss you guys more and more each day. <3
I have come up with some of the best presents this year for people.
Riley Jean is getting a piggy bank that i am going to paint and on it write “Riley’s New York Fund!” Plus i am going to put some money in it. =] I figure by the time shes 5 she might have half the money she needs to come to NY to see me lol.
Corey && Liz are going to get a date night with free babysitting from me. I am going to get them a gift card to some where of their choice, and possibly a movie card. They deserve this, not only because they are new parents but because i love them both dearly and they work their asses off for everything they have. Plus Lizzy needs a break from school and a night out to just enjoy it with Corey.
Momma Raden, i am still unsure. I am thinking a bottle of wine, and a painted wine glass?
All i need to come up with now are my boys. =]
So last night Josh and I ran into a lot of people wishing us congrats. One guy was from our English class that we met in. It was really funny but got me thinking about it. I remember when we started hanging out. We were both so into our new phones and I remember him explaining all the cool things the whole way back to our dorms. It was great to remember the old times and to think about all the memories to be made. I am the luckiest girl ever!!!!
Today i am absolutely over it. My cramps are about crippling me and i could fall asleep at any moment. Work is going to take forever which is fine but my goodness today needs to just end however its going to be a long night.
Work 8-11:30
11:30-1 Mentee party
Getting my hair cut!
Hockey game at 6:30ish
Bar Crawl with the SPE crew tonight :: Dress up night for me! [[ <3 ]]
Sleeping in Saturday for sure!
Good news i got our wedding website up and running finally!
